I have something to say

January 12, 2012

I am a fool.  I talk my heart out, lay my thoughts out bare.  Sometimes, I hear dismissal.  Sometimes, I hear no response or acknowledgement.  So I reckon, my thoughts may not have much worth or meaning to whom ever I shared it with.  But when I hear the exact same comment of mine, even with the same peculiar way I put it, as if it were their own original thought, I feel cheated.  If they had responded their agreement when they heard me speak then I would have felt proud and flattered to hear them repeating my observation as their own.

Some even have even quoted the exact phrases I have written on my blog right back to me like I was not the original author of it.  I am not talking about things that wise men think alike.  I am talking about just my wisdom that I gained by experience.  The sad part is they don’t even realize it or don’t care to.

It is hard to get some credit around here.

Same with the things I do.  Things I do, I do so well that they seem easy.  In fact, they seem negligible.  I know a lot of people who do small things and make it seem like a grand effort.  I do not want to be like that.  But I sure do envy them.

Why do I even argue a hopeless case?  Why do I hope that one day the balance will tilt in my favor?  What does it take – guile or patience?  The latter has failed.  The former, I despise.  Yet, it works. I know because I have suffered it.

Some people talk all the talk and get away with not doing anything to back up that talk.  But I talk, talk, talk.  Then I do, do, do.  And what do I get?  Back talk.

April 22, 2012: UPDATE: How silly I sound!  Facts some may be, but how distorted by emotion they are!  How foolish to think I am a fool and that anybody but me could be blamed for it!  If I were to edit this post this is how I would leave it:

I talk my heart out, lay my thoughts out bare.  I like to express what I have learnt by what I have experienced.  I wish I did not get so upset when people judge me harshly.

Sometimes, I am unable to convey the effort that goes into things I do.  I hide the complexity and make some tasks seem easy and simple, while they are not.  I wish I could explain this better so I could be understood better.  Sometimes, I envy people who can.

Sometimes, I argue too much.  I wish to be more patient and tolerant though I do appreciate that I am guileless.

I am an action person.  I like to follow up what I say with doing what I said – if I can, I try to do even better.


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