My Best Friend

January 16, 2012

My old friend is back.  This has been somebody I had been neglecting for almost 20 years now.  In moments of great stress and distress, this has been one person who has always come through for me.  This person needless to say has always had my best interests at heart and both kept me from harm’s way and saved me from doing harm to others.  Yet I failed to pay heed to this person’s advice though it made the utmost sense.  The motto that my friend holds strong are pure and simple – live and let live, without bothering who, why, what and how you have to live with, or without.  Logic, reason, and goodwill are my friend’s characteristics.  Open mind, broad vision and solid philosophy are this friend’s strengths.  Despite my negligence, my friend has not abandoned my side.

Today, I am beginning to see my true self reassert itself.  The only person I am answerable to is my friend – my conscience.  And I know my friend shall also be exacting in my amendment.

I have something to say

January 12, 2012

I am a fool.  I talk my heart out, lay my thoughts out bare.  Sometimes, I hear dismissal.  Sometimes, I hear no response or acknowledgement.  So I reckon, my thoughts may not have much worth or meaning to whom ever I shared it with.  But when I hear the exact same comment of mine, even with the same peculiar way I put it, as if it were their own original thought, I feel cheated.  If they had responded their agreement when they heard me speak then I would have felt proud and flattered to hear them repeating my observation as their own.

Some even have even quoted the exact phrases I have written on my blog right back to me like I was not the original author of it.  I am not talking about things that wise men think alike.  I am talking about just my wisdom that I gained by experience.  The sad part is they don’t even realize it or don’t care to.

It is hard to get some credit around here.

Same with the things I do.  Things I do, I do so well that they seem easy.  In fact, they seem negligible.  I know a lot of people who do small things and make it seem like a grand effort.  I do not want to be like that.  But I sure do envy them.

Why do I even argue a hopeless case?  Why do I hope that one day the balance will tilt in my favor?  What does it take – guile or patience?  The latter has failed.  The former, I despise.  Yet, it works. I know because I have suffered it.

Some people talk all the talk and get away with not doing anything to back up that talk.  But I talk, talk, talk.  Then I do, do, do.  And what do I get?  Back talk.

April 22, 2012: UPDATE: How silly I sound!  Facts some may be, but how distorted by emotion they are!  How foolish to think I am a fool and that anybody but me could be blamed for it!  If I were to edit this post this is how I would leave it:

I talk my heart out, lay my thoughts out bare.  I like to express what I have learnt by what I have experienced.  I wish I did not get so upset when people judge me harshly.

Sometimes, I am unable to convey the effort that goes into things I do.  I hide the complexity and make some tasks seem easy and simple, while they are not.  I wish I could explain this better so I could be understood better.  Sometimes, I envy people who can.

Sometimes, I argue too much.  I wish to be more patient and tolerant though I do appreciate that I am guileless.

I am an action person.  I like to follow up what I say with doing what I said – if I can, I try to do even better.