My Best Friend

My old friend is back.  This has been somebody I had been neglecting for almost 20 years now.  In moments of great stress and distress, this has been one person who has always come through for me.  This person needless to say has always had my best interests at heart and both kept me from harm’s way and saved me from doing harm to others.  Yet I failed to pay heed to this person’s advice though it made the utmost sense.  The motto that my friend holds strong are pure and simple – live and let live, without bothering who, why, what and how you have to live with, or without.  Logic, reason, and goodwill are my friend’s characteristics.  Open mind, broad vision and solid philosophy are this friend’s strengths.  Despite my negligence, my friend has not abandoned my side.

Today, I am beginning to see my true self reassert itself.  The only person I am answerable to is my friend – my conscience.  And I know my friend shall also be exacting in my amendment.

I have something to say

I am a fool.  I talk my heart out, lay my thoughts out bare.  Sometimes, I hear dismissal.  Sometimes, I hear no response or acknowledgement.  So I reckon, my thoughts may not have much worth or meaning to whom ever I shared it with.  But when I hear the exact same comment of mine, even with the same peculiar way I put it, as if it were their own original thought, I feel cheated.  If they had responded their agreement when they heard me speak then I would have felt proud and flattered to hear them repeating my observation as their own.

Some even have even quoted the exact phrases I have written on my blog right back to me like I was not the original author of it.  I am not talking about things that wise men think alike.  I am talking about just my wisdom that I gained by experience.  The sad part is they don’t even realize it or don’t care to.

It is hard to get some credit around here.

Same with the things I do.  Things I do, I do so well that they seem easy.  In fact, they seem negligible.  I know a lot of people who do small things and make it seem like a grand effort.  I do not want to be like that.  But I sure do envy them.

Why do I even argue a hopeless case?  Why do I hope that one day the balance will tilt in my favor?  What does it take – guile or patience?  The latter has failed.  The former, I despise.  Yet, it works. I know because I have suffered it.

Some people talk all the talk and get away with not doing anything to back up that talk.  But I talk, talk, talk.  Then I do, do, do.  And what do I get?  Back talk.

 

 

 

   

How long ago was it now?

It has been a while since I last blogged… I cannot remember the last time I read a book to completion, that is barring the ones that I have been re-reading online. It has been quite a while since I have had the satisfaction of running a fully functioning piece of code and taking pride in the fact that it was my creation.

It has been a while since I did anything that I would have once considered necessary to call myself productive. Yet, I am happier than ever, inspite of not being in pursuit of it. That, I guess, is the joy of parenthood.

All day, I hang with my son, cook, eat, sleep, feed him, fool with him, play with him, sometimes be strict with him and tell him what and what not to do, but most times just let him tell me what and what not to do. Waiting for my husband to get back from work is the only hardship that I have probably faced in a long long time and even then I have company. The joy of seeing my husband return from work is now doubled. It is a sight to behold to see my son running helter skelter to receive his dad. My son looks almost like an exact replica of his father. But he inherited 3 distinct characteristics of mine: my bulbous nose, my temper and my love for his father – my husband. It is reassuring to see my son cling, pull, smother, nag and do all that I do to make a nuisance of myself with his dad and get away with it!

Oh, the joy of it!

I have, atlast, crossed the line. The much coveted line that I thought I would cross when I turned 18 and became eligible to vote, but did not. Then at the time I first started earning my living. Then at the time I got married. The elusive line beyond which I could consider myself a grown-up. Well, for me, it has taken another life to grow with to make me a grown up.

So here is to my son, and the recommencement of blogging!

Feliz Navidad

I love this time of the year – in the US. The holiday season. Never in India have I experienced any particular festival or occasion that has elicited and sustained happy spirits since months before the event and lingered for days after. I am not talking about weddings. I am talking about holidays that apply to all people in general and not just in one family.

Another thing that I used to look forward to, during this time, is having Peppermint Mocha from Starbucks. I know it is available throughout the year though it does not appear on the menu. But only during the holiday season is it served in red, festive looking cups.

More than all that, for the last two months, I have been looking forward to the 10 day closure, spanning Christmas and the New Year, at work. But then, we find out we have to work during the holidays this year as there is a deadline looming right after the New Year.

Not that I care much, now. I would rather work during the week and just have long weekends. Lets face it, when there is exciting work to do, you do not care if it is a regular work day or if you are working on a day that is off for everybody else – because you are having fun anyway.

I cared about not having a break only until two days back. Because I was overwhelmed with fatigue and nausea the last two months, that I never thought there could be a life where I could see light, even at the end of the tunnel. I could work. I could function. But the fatigue and the weakness, I cannot describe.

But, two days back…. I was out of it. Just like that! Now I do not just get to watch the celebration around, but I get to take part too.

And the first order of business is to get back in touch with the few, but most valuable, friends I have. I miss them terribly.

As for the rest, I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Home Buying

House Hunting

Decide on what you want in your home. Put down everything – you will eventually find out if they are critical or not.

Things to consider

Home

1. Minimum square footage / lot size.
2. Minimum number of bedrooms and bathrooms. (Always keep the square footage in mind – you might get your preferred number of rooms, yet not meet the preferred square footage – meaning the rooms might be too small.)
3. Minimum/preferred size of kitchen, master, living, etc – most used rooms.
4. Preferences in kitchen – island, pantry, storage, bar counter, breakfast nook, etc.
5. Number of floors – preference of having a bedroom/washroom/laundry etc on the ground floor, etc.
6. Room to entertain – parties, stay over, etc.
7. Layout of the rooms – plan has to make sense for your lifestyle and fit your tastes.
8. Outdoor living and entertaining.
9. Storage space/options – outdoor and indoor.
10. Garage space.
11. Future needs for future additions – for children, dogs.
12. Maintenance (Decide if you will have the time to do all the cleaning up and maintenance work yourself or can you afford to employ help. If you are doing it yourself, you do not want to spend all your weekend on housework. So plan and pace yourself.)
13. Gardening.
14. Preference of a media room, game room, bar, basement, loft, etc.
15. Neighborhood, safety, community, gated access, etc.

Work

16. Distance to and from work.
17. Number of possible routes.
18. Usual traffic in these routes.
19. Hours spent away from home daily.
20. Home office space for working from home.

Others

21. Proximity to airport, etc if you travel a lot.
22. Proximity to gas station, shops – especially for day-to-day stuff like milk (or ciggies!).
23. Proximity to shopping malls, stores, cinemas, other entertainment options, etc.
24. Proximity to parks, downtown (if you prefer), etc.
25. Public schools, private schools, day-care facilities – and their standards.
26. Sunrise and sunset – believe it or not, it is very important to check the direction some rooms face. If your master bedroom is east facing, it is a good thing as the sun will wake you up and the light will make you alert and ready for your day ahead. On the other hand, if the room you intend to relax in after a long day’s work is west facing, the heat will sap you of what little energy you might have.

Compromises

Do not set your mind on what you might be willing to compromise on or what you absolutely must have. What you think you must have may not be as important as you originally thought.

When you come across a property, go through the list and decide what options you have for each, and decide on how you can compensate for each of those that the property does not satisfy. For instance, say the property does not have a home office space, then consider if there is any other room where you might be able to create a small office space – in the master bedroom, if you prefer. If you decide to use part of your guest room, then consider if you will be able to use that space even when you have guests staying over – or if you would mind your office being accessible to guests when they are staying over.

If you end up compromising on something, it should be because you have an alternative or because you realize you may not need it, even if you may want it badly.

Look at what options the market offers. Look at everything – look at condos as well even if you looking for a single family home and vice versa. Knowing what is available helps you decide what is practical, what is standard, what is necessary and what is reasonable to expect.

Long Term Plans

Consider how long you might live in your new home. Is it possible you might want to move to a bigger home later, or move to another place? Depending on your plans, consider your options – resale, renting, etc. This should form part of your decision making your criteria. This will also help you decide if you want to spend on points to bring down your interest rate.

Appliances

If your home comes with appliances, it is a load of work off your shoulder. But having that included is not always the best idea. One, the appliances may not be of a brand or standard that you might want to have. Two, the price (probably inflated) of this is hidden in the home price. In which case, technically, you end up paying property taxes on your appliances as well. It might work out cheaper if you get your own appliances.
Upgrades

You might want some upgrades/renovations on your home. In most cases, the builder gives you a choice of upgrades. Sometimes doing it yourself after you move-in, after a few years, might work out cheaper, but you might want to move into a home that already has all that you want in place. Decide what would work for you. The structure, layout and plan of your home are more important than the upgrades or the look. The rest you can always get for much less cost than what the builder might charge, and to your taste. The lack of choice of upgrades could give you an edge to negotiate as well.

When you choose your upgrades, make sure the quality is good. You should be able to judge the quality of the installation as well. The model homes might not always be how the finished homes will look. The builder might do substandard work but take special care to do a good job on the model homes. So insist on looking at a move-in ready home and compare how it differs from the model home.

Builder

Make sure you research the builders – read customer reviews and experiences on the net.

Warranty

Remember to check with the seller about the warranty, if any, they are offering. The warranty options might vary depending on the items they cover. For example, the structure might have a 10 year warranty, the appliances may have only the manufacturer’s warranty, where as, the plumbing may have as little as a month’s warranty.

Home Inspection

Even for a new construction, it might be important do a home inspection. The inspector should also be reliable and should do as thorough a job as possible.

Real Estate Agent

1. You can buy a home without an agent.
2. There may or may not be advantages to having an agent.
3. There is absolutely no loss in employing a realtor.
4. The realtor will be paid by the seller – this commission is not part of the sale price.
5. You do not have an obligation to buy just because you have an agent.
6. The agent might, in their own interests, encourage you to buy immediately, which you should be aware of and not let this cloud your judgment.
7. The agent might tend to paint rosy pictures of a property which may not be all true.
8. Do your homework and do not take the agent’s word at face value.
9. The agent might have to register with the builder the first visit you make to a new construction for them to be able to represent you as your agent.
10. Make sure you get time alone to assess the property and make your decisions without the agent’s constant commentary/sales pitch.

Finance

Budget

1. Calculate debt ratio to arrive at your affordable budget.
2. Keep within your comfort zone. (You might be able to afford a certain budget if you make some changes to your lifestyle – like eating out less often, giving up taking a vacation, etc. But decide beforehand if that would be worth it.)
3. In addition to the mortgage, there is Home Owner’s Insurance, Property Taxes, Home Owners Association fee (if any), Mello Roos (if any), Private Mortgage Insurance (for less than 20% down payment), County Taxes, etc.
4. Consider the fact that the utility bills might go up – electricity, water, etc.
5. You might want to have enough on hand to set up your home – furniture, appliances, etc.
6. If you are planning on buying a car or making a major purchase on credit, consider how it will affect your credit history.
7. If you need to break your current lease, check the terms and conditions and what it will cost you.
8. Moving to your new place might cost some money whether you get professional movers or do it yourself, depending on how much stuff you have and how much you want to take with you – planning ahead and making appropriate arrangements is very important and will also save you a lot of time and effort.
9. It might be a good idea to put aside 10K for closing costs to be on the safe side.
10. The best scenario is to put down 20% or more as down payment. Less than that might incur other charges like PMI, a slightly higher interest rate due to default risk, etc.
11. If you want to buy down interest rate, decide on how much points can you afford and find out how much will it bring down your interest rate. One point costs one percent of your loan amount. But the interest rate it will get you varies from bank to bank, day to day; it might even change over the day.
12. It makes sense to buy points only if you live in your home longer than the time you will break-even on the money you spend on the points.

Closing Costs

Look out for unnecessary items and hidden charges listed in your closing costs.

Mortgage Agent

1. One thing that a mortgage agent can do, that you may not be able to, is get information on how much the bank is willing to go down on the interest rate in order to gain your business.
2. Apart from that there is not much the agent can tell you that you cannot find out yourself on the internet or by working directly with the bank’s agent.
3. If you approach a bank directly, an agent will be assigned to you by the bank. They will be able to apprise you of the daily fluctuations in the interest rate and tell you what your best options are.
4. You should be able to monitor the interest rates online.
5. You might also be able to monitor the interest rates offered by the bank on their website. But the bank agent might get you an interest rate lower than the one reflected on their website.
6. Apply to a select number of banks, get their good faith estimates and compare their offers.
7. Some banks might offer you a competitive rate but hike up their fees and other closing costs.
8. Remember to research your bank’s customer service as well.
9. Remember that your loan will be ultimately sold to Freddie Mac/Fannie Mae. But before that the loan might change hands from bank to bank, you do not want to deal with an intermediate holder that has poor customer service. For example, say I get my loan from Bank A, a small, reliable bank, which has a very good reputation and I am happy dealing with it. Say Bank A sells to Bank B which is known for charging you incorrectly for payments that were never late, etc. Say Bank B is also known to have poor and rude customer service, then life gets difficult. Usually big banks directly sell to Freddie Mac/Fannie Mae, hence I would recommend a bigger bank as opposed to private lenders, smaller banks.
10. As long as your credit history is sound, make a 20% down payment and do your homework and you keep yourself well informed, you can see through con attempts and even be able to call the shots.

Good luck on your house hunt!

Romesh Gunasekara And Housekeeping

My father would type pages and pages, and then hit a random button only to lose his entire email. Until yahoo mail started automatically saving drafts periodically, it used to be a lesson my dad learnt and forgot every single time.

I did the same thing the last time I blogged. It was because I relied on the automatic save which does not work on the Blackberry browser. Anyways, when I begin to blog I do not usually set out with a subject or topic in mind. Only when I stop and read do I myself realize what I wanted to say. This time, when the post disappeared so did my train of thought. I cannot for the life of me remember what the last draft was about! That is how random and momentary some topics I pick are.

It has been a long time since my last post. I plan to write a serious post on “Home Buying”. Before that I must touch on the topic of cooking again.

I was reading “Reef” by Romesh Gunasekara the other day and not even a cookbook or a book on housekeeping could motivate you like this fiction does. It has had an immediate, and lasting, effect on me. Both cooking and cleaning have graduated to a whole new higher level for me now. Some of the things he describes, it gives you the feeling you are living it and that you yourself are the character.

I also read his collection of short stories, “Monkfish Moon”. There is a long story behind how I came across this book, which I will write about sometime.

It is Agatha Christie’s “Murder In Retrospect” next. Yes, I am re-reading it; but let me see if I remember it as vividly as some of her other ones.

The Only Dumb Guy

Scene 1:

Wise Guy 1: Listen… I have developed a tool to make money in the stock market.
Wise Gu 2: Really? It is incredible.
Wise Guy 1: Even I couldnt believe it, but I have tested it with all the historical data I could find. It is flawless!
Wise Guy 2: Wow!

Scene 2:

Wise Guy 2: (Recounts Scene 1. Then…) Wise Guy 1 is a genius.
Only Dumb Guy: It is impossible. I do not believe it. Let me see the tool.
Wise Guy 2: What do you know? You may have a Masters in Finance. But not only does Wise Guy 1 have a Masters, Wise Guy 1 also works in the field.
Only Dumb Guy: But I know better. (Tries some more to prove the point. Then…) It is impossible. I do not believe it.

Scene 3:

Wise Guy 1: Maybe we should test it in real time.
Wise Guy 2: Maybe I can spare a thousand.

Scene 4:

Wise Guy 2: There is a small glitch in the tool. It needs to know the future data to work correctly in the present.
Only Dumb Guy: I told you so. Did I not tell you so?

Climax:

Only Dumb Guy: Who put the kitchen tissue, Bounty at that, in the toilet bowl. WHO PUT IT THERE?
Wise Guy 2: I did. One won’t do any damage.
Only Dumb Guy: (Fishes out the tissue, throws it in the trash. Says no word. And yes, IS MAD.)

Moral:

Wise Guys are those that are so smart that they can argue with common sense, albeit without common sense.

The Only Dumb Guy is the one that argues with Wise Guys.

Just As Remembered

After a long time, we had a nice vacation. It was lovely to see my brother and his wife. Not only did I have a great time, it was also filled with moments of discovery.

I had an opportunity to meet some friends who have become homeowners for the first time and it was a pleasure to see their excitement and happiness. It was quite refreshing to see people whose achievements bring them a sense of purpose and fulfilment, and not a superiority complex or a show-off mentality.

Drinking does not affect your senses as much as fatigue and hunger does.

Why is it that every friendly face, I run into at home, seems to belong to some multi-level marketing venture or the other? Is it only on vacations and occasions where I may not be able to meet them frequently that I can hope to meet the genuinely friendly ones?

Claire Robinson is My Next Food Network Star.

At long last, after five years, I had “the” Intimate Encounter and it lived up to every expectation and memory of mine. Clink clink!

Hosting

You can run all over me and I will take it in good spirit. Except when you do it in my home. Because that is the place I come back to cleanse myself of bad experiences and that is the place I want to keep free of conflicts and competition. That is why I make a bad host sometimes to some guests.

While on the topic, I must mention a person that won me over with a simple gesture. His name is Ramesh Sivampillai.

He had once come to visit me with his wife. He came during a stressful time at work. Though it was a weekend, I had to work; and help a collegue find a place to live and drive my guests around.

I was shuttling all over – back and forth. I worked, cooked, drove and more. The stress, I would work off by cleaning my home. There was one thing that I would obsess about. Keeping the vanity spic and span. If I saw water around the basin, I would immediately wipe it clean and arrange the things around it neatly.

Then what I started noticing was there was not a drop of water around it and everything was spotless and right on spot, even after my and their repeated use of the vanity.

Ramesh saw me standing there perplexed. He said to me that he had seen how I was particular about keeping it a certain way and so made sure that he cleaned it and left it exactly as I did.

Now there is a guest after my own heart. It was not that I was obvious – because if I were, what excuse do some guests have to trespass on my space – mental and physical. It was just that he was considerate and thoughful enough to be a – no, not good – a great guest.

You might ask – did that not take away your method of destressing? No, it did not. That small, but understanding, gesture took away all my stress that the calm lasted the entire weekend and longer.

Here is to people who are a pleasure to host!

In case you are wondering, yes, I do have OCD.

Blind Leading Who?

I do not know if it is just me. I cannot hear well without my glasses. Seriously.

My lenses are not that thick, thanks to hi-tech, or should I say high index, material. So my husband would not believe that I was dependent on my glasses because I was as good as blind without them and not because I was habituated to them. That was until he accompanied me to my eye exam.

The optometrist put up a card with letters of varying sizes on different lines and asked me to read the smallest but most readable letters from the board. I did well. Then he asked me to take off my glasses and try again.

Now I said I could not read any. He asked me three more times. I thought to myself: now why did he keep asking me – did he not believe me? He said alright in the end.

My husband was sitting there and he told me to put on my glasses and look at the board. What do I see? A single, big letter – E – on the one-by-one foot board.

The optometrist had been showing me a different card with increasing sizes of letters each time he asked me if I could see.

Even I had not realized I was this visually challenged.

No wonder I cannot hear without my glasses. What? You do not believe me?